Losing the Link
Is an object with sentimental value any less valuable to the owner than an object which was purchased for 10 times the amount?
As one of those people who put more emphasis on family, friends and non materialistic things in life, I too have one or two material items which have a far, far greater value to me than their monetary worth. This picture, that I took for a 26things entry in March is one of those items.
I was unfortunate to lose my father when I was just 28, 12 years ago. It was unexpected and a very traumatic time for me and my family. The legal side took some time to complete. Partly due to the fact that he died intestate, and partly because he was, at the time, acting as the executor of my Nan's will who had died a few months earlier, and this had not been legally finalised. That job, eventually, then fell to us too.
Once all the formalities were done and dusted. I fell apart.
I brought this ring with some of the money that I inherited from Dad, and it has been on my finger almost every single hour, of every single day since then. To me, it was a constant reminder of him. The last link I had to a father I loved dearly. Maybe we put too much emphasis on these things in our life, but it was my way of having him with me, always. The last, the final, precious gift from him to me.
Last month I lost the ring.
I was distraught.
I went home, in tears, and told G what had happened. Then he began to search. Bless him.
He began with the obvious - moving cushions, hands down the sides of the sofa, under covers and pillows. He lifted the top end of the mattress and felt around the underneath of the bed. He told me to check the pockets of everything I had worn the last couple of days, my handbag and the washing basket.
I walked into the kitchen, and there he was, head stuck under the sink, removing the trap to check for misplaced rings. Next time I looked he was draining the filter on the washing machine, and checking nothing had been lodged there. He didn't find my ring, but he did come across my sons front door key, the key he was adamant I still had and that I had sworn I gave back to him!!! lol.
I carried on, like a demented chicken, checking my handbag, then re-checking, just in case I missed it the first time I entered the entire contents of the house out of it across the dining room table. I rechecked everywhere I could think of.
Finally, out of ideas, and certain that it was gone forever, I caught site of G, on his hands and knees on the kitchen floor, newspaper layed out infront of him, and the contents of the vacuum cleaner spread across it. There he was, working his way through the dust, fluff and hair balls in search of my most precious possession.
Now how's that for love?
This isn't one of those happy ever after stories, unfortunately. The ring never did turn up, and although I was very sad about it, I was determined it wasn't going to drag me down. What's gone is gone and there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it. (This for me, was a milestone in itself, but that's another story).
Lots of people, trying to offer their help, told me to claim on my insurance for it. I explained that I really didn't care about the money side of it. It was my last link with Dad, a special, sentimental piece of jewellery and that I couldn't ever replace it. They didn't seem to understand, but I knew how I felt.
Then about a week later, a good friend of mine said the same thing. When I explained the sentimental value of it and that I couldn't replace it he looked me straight in the eye and asked:
"Did Dad give you the ring?"
"No, I bought it with the money he left me" I replied.
"Exactly! So claim on the insurance and replace the money your Dad left you." he said. "You can buy another ring, or you could buy something completely unrelated, it'll still be from your Dad because you will have replaced exactly what you got from him, the money"
It made so much sense. The first time it had. So I phoned the insurance company up and I now have up to £500 to spend on another ring.
I am in the wonderful position at the moment, of looking for the one I want to buy.
I am still wondering "Do we put too much emphasis on these things in our life"?
18 comments:
My Granddad passed away about 7 years ago and I ended up with his wedding ring. I wore it everywhere and never took it off. Then one day I was out sailing with my pal Matt when I heard the sound of the ring as it dinged on the hull and bounced overboard.
The ring sat quite nicely on my Granddad's finger for 65 years of marriage and I managed to keep hold of it for less than two years.... lost to the murky depths of Carsington Reservoir.
I'm not even going to try and explain the emotions I went through with that little incident.
Mike ~ you don't need to explain, I can imagine. Memories are great, the one thing people cannot take away from you, but even they fade somewhat. A material object, as a link to a love of someone past, is a very powerful thing, and the loss of the object, even more powerful.
I have a gold pendant, a windsurfer, that was given to me by a very special person, it has become my lucky charm, I hate not knowing exactly where it is. I think it is human nature to want to have something tangable to remind them of happy times. I love the way your friend reasoned with you over the insurance money and convinced you. x
Ellie ~ After he reasoned with me, I was so glad that Dad hadn't actually left me the ring. It would have been so much worse, and so completely unreplaceable if he had. I agree though, it is human nature to hang on to the one special item that reminds them of someone special.
My keepsake is from my grandparents. A little watch that sat on the mantle above their fireplace. It was promised to me when I was four after my grandfather died but I was never in any rush to claim it as I was told I could have it once my grandmother was gone. I got it last year. It doesn't work but that doesn't matter. If I lost it I'd just die.
Michael ~ What a lovely story. I have a cute little bee amongst my soft toys. I bought it when I was just 15, and it wings wrap round and zip up to keep him snug. It is promised to my eldest daughter. Early memories of such things can sometimes be what makes an item special.
Well that was spooky. Before I moved a few months ago the guys at Fivebucks gave me, their most frequent customer apparently, a bunch of coffee as a going away present. When I moved into my new place and unpacked it I gave it to my landlady as I had decided to switch back to drinking tea. Today she emptied out the bag I gave her with the packs of coffee in and there at the bottom was my watch. I had come this > < close to losing it. I nearly fell through the floor when she handed it to me and told me where she had found it.
Can I have G when you've finished with him please? What an amazing man.
I had a cameo brooch which was my Nan's...the watch my Mum bought me for my 18th...my very first engagement ring (lol) and numerous other items all stolen when my flat got broken into. I was devastated.
Michael ~ Spooky indeed, and how fortunate you have an honest landlady.
Laney ~ OMG, how awful. I wonder how any of these house thieves would react if their own mothers were inflicted with the ordeal they create for their victims.
Ali, I'll tell you something about reading your page: you inspire me totally. You make me think about life. I can't answer your question and that's it- you ask the simple question that some may not so much dismiss but answer too easily, to satisfy themselves - and there is the crux - the whole understanding of the inner self that comes with answer.
Love it. Y;-) Paddy
Paddy ~ Wow, I am lost for words, and that doesn't happen often let me tell you. I'm honored that my post provokes thought. I sometimes wonder if I think too much?
"Do we put too much emphasis on these things in our life"?
We put as much emphasis on these things as we need to, Hon. And when we start questioning it, it's just our damned mind getting in the way of our heart once again. Don't let it.
I'm hugging you tightly.
I have a little bag that was my grandma's. I planned my outfit for my sister's wedding around that bag so that I could feel my gran's presence on that special day.
memories are ephemeral and it helps us to hold on to them if we have something solid to associate with them.
Dan ~ All hugs greatfully received. Thx honey. x
Cathy ~ What a touching tale. How lovely to be able to feel your gran was close on such a family occasion.
You may not be able to take things with you, Ali- but what G did for you in trying to find the ring was Priceless.
You can't mistake(or misplace) love...
Ps after reading Mike's comment I just want to retell a story about how my Grandmother threw her wedding ring off a local bridge (in her mind the equivalent of a mid-50's divorce)...
RN ~ G is a wonderful man, I love him to bits. I feel lucky everyday that I wake up with him beside me.
Wow, your Grandmother must have been a feisty woman!!
i WILL BE PUTTING A LINK TO THIS POST FROM MY BLOG ON SUNDAY! (sorry didn't mean to shout!!)
Sunday is our 19th wedding anniversary.........!!
Dxxx
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